There’s two things that are inevitable in the snowboarding way of life. One is catching a savage edge when you least expect it, and the other is that you will one day become an “Old Head.” If you do not know what an Old Head is, let me save you the time of taking the quiz to assure you, that you are in fact one. But for the sake of teaching your old-ass something new, an “Old Head” is loosely defined as someone who is still in the scene beyond the expected age. Additionally, Old Heads often form cliques of their own and try to school youngin's on how things used to be back in their day.
1. I have ridden in a contest that unironically played Bro Hymn.
A. What does that mean?
B. No
C. Yes
2. I have attended the U.S. Open in Vermont.
A. No
B. Yes
C. Yes, but I don’t remember much from those days.
3. I am most likely to argue that
A. A rail trick was done improperly
B. Snowboard media “doesn’t get it”
C. Snowboarding used to be cooler
4. I found out about the Grenade brand during
A. Middle School
B. Highschool
C. I am older than all of those people.
5. Todd Richards is______
A. Old
B. The Voice of Snowboarding
C. Someone I used to look up to as a rider
6. Have you ever ridden with your pants over your highbacks?
A. Fuck you for even asking
B. No
C. Yes
7. The GOAT is
A. Travis Rice
B. JP Walker
C. Terje Haakenson
8. I have a favorite Absinthe Movie
A. No
B. Yes
C. Yes and it’s POP
9. I watched a Totally Board video the year it came out.
A. What is Totally Board?
B. No
C. Yes
10. I was in my prime during the tight pants era
A. No
B. Yes
C. Which one?
All A answers = 1 point
All B answers = 5 points
All C answers = 10 points
RESULTS
10-20 points - Youngin
Proud of yourself? Are you sure you added it up correctly you little punk? Well kid, what can we say-you’ve got a whole road ahead of you. We’ll see you on the other side.
21-50 points - Just a Head.
Not an old head but you are well on your way! You’ve got a maximum of five years left before you make the complete transformation. Enjoy it while it lasts! The transition can be jarring when you realize it’s happening, so brace yourself.
51-100 points - Old Head.
You’ve seen it all and you want to let the world know. But don’t stress! Snowboarding is young, so you don’t need to be! Truth of the matter is, this is where 60% of the snowboarding population exists. Fear not though, bonuses to being an old head include grumbling under your breath, soreness, an affinity for seeing trends resurface, and the complete inability to not bring it up with the young kids. If this news has shocked you, go take a nap, you’re probably just cranky.